What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 28.06.2025 00:03
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Google, Scale AI's largest customer, plans split after Meta deal, sources say - CNBC
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
How much should one budget to travel for 1 month generally?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Google AI Mode traffic data added to Search Console reporting - Search Engine Land
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Ceres: The asteroid belt’s forgotten ocean world - Big Think
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
It was going to be , some day.
As i do to all so called friends.?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Here's What To Expect From A New COVID Variant Going Around - BuzzFeed
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
What did Starbucks and Dunkin' Donuts do wrong in Sweden?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Who then, do I blame.?
How should you brush your hair when its wet or dry?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And i lived it daily.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Are you offended if Democrats call Republicans "weird"?
When she asked me how she looked .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Culpa maxime qui ut ut aut in.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
My life is so biszare .
2025 Nashville Superspeedway pit stall assignments - NASCAR.com
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Major supermarket chain workers start strike across 4 cities - TheStreet
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I was scared of men, in general
2025 Freestyle Wrestling U20 World Team Trials Results - FloWrestling
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Would this be the day?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
How do I change a truck’s engine oil?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I said to her
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
All the time i was locked up.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But, we were locked up after school.
She found it foreign!.
I waited trembling.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I have no regrets .
I could never make a relationship work though!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
We were not on the streets..
He resisted the act ,that day.
We all went to grammer schools
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I was 9 years of age.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I never cut or harmed myself..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Put me off passion for life!!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I think the readers, may guess!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
My family never makes their pension either.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Im still living with it.
This is soul school!.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She married twice! .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I was very sick at this time too.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She wouldn,t have been !
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Was to survive, this bastard.
But ive been too sick for many years..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Ive learnt so much.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I don,t even have a pension.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Comes on , in middle age.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But it wasn’t much.
She was in good health!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
One cannot live in the past .
I was seconnd youngest,
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I will be 64.
I write beautiful poetry .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I couldn’t, believe it.
So whats the point in blame.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
What did i know ?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
She loved him until the end.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He knew the spot.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
So, i spoilt her more .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
(And it was in our own minds.)
Especially a lifetime of it.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Why did i forgive my father ?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
This is how, and why children get BPD.